How many parents like me face this dilemma: We want to give our children everything we didn't have. But we don't want them to be ungrateful or, as others might say, “spoiled.”
The idea of spoiling my child is incongruous to the parent I want to be. I learnt gratitude because I never had so many things and was thankful for whatever little I had. So by giving my child what I never had—so many toys, boots, fashionable jeans—would she be destined to become ungrateful?
The question consumes me for a lot of time. Now that she's almost 4 yrs old and understand generosity, compassion, and the importance of helping others, its the right time to begin the lesson of being grateful by 1.) Donating toys and clothes generously. ( I wouldn't use the word 'old' toys/clothes because donating not necessarily have to be of old things.)
How do you encourage to do that?
When it comes to donating their own things, it's common for younger kids (and some grown ups too) to put up a fuss. Children often grow attached to their possessions, so it's natural for them to not want to part with them. I had read in few articles preaching gratitude, that the thumb rule should be: Buy one new, give away one old. BUT I don't like this idea. Why should buying be associated with giving away? I think kids should be taught to give away things they no longer use. Simple.
I encouraged my daughter to donate things that she no longer needs it, irrespective of whether I am buying a new one or not. A couple of days back, I brought a big box and had a below conversation with Aanya:
Me: Can you separate all the toys and books that you no longer play with, in this box.
Aanya: Why?
Me: We will give it to someone who needs it. It would make him/her happy and would appreciate having it. And you'll be able to focus more on the toys and books you love.
Aanya: It will make someone happy?
Me: Yes, certainly.
Aanya: Ummm...OK.
To my surprise, she gladly separated 7-8 toys, almost emptying her rack. I asked her if she was sure because she won't get them back and she replied " Yes, Mumma. I don't need them"....WOW!! That was simple! :)
It didnot end there. The next day, she took out a dress herself and asked me "Mumma, Can you please give this dress too to someone. I don't like it anymore"
Till few months back, I used to separate things myself, in front of her. And from now onwards, I am encouraging her to take the lead. You can say, trying to force decision-making and awareness among all her choices, hoping it would breed gratitude some day.
Kids can learn to be grateful for what they have by being good to others, and giving back to others. Being generous can bring out the best in kids.
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