How was your Day today...

Conversation with Aanya after school:

Me: How was your day today at school?
Aanya: Good
Me: You had fun?
Aanya: Yes
Me: What did you do?
Aanya: I played.

The school has begun and I find myself asking Aanya this question everyday after school. These one word reply often puts me off. Ofcourse, you played at school. That's it? I want to know lot more. You spend 7 hours at school, it has to be more than one word 'Good'. 

I realised that asking how was your day today was probably the least effective way of finding out what was happening at school. I need to ask about things that are specific, but still open-ended. I need to have a conversation that is more natural, than forced. I need to device an effective approach. And here's what I did....

•  Greet first, ask later: I discovered, Aanya was least interested to talk right after school, when she is really tired. So, I learnt just to greet and chat about other things to get her a little more relaxed, at times giving her an anecdote from my own day.  

•  So, yes, talked about my day first: I shared something about my day. Like whom did I talk to over the phone, if I read something interesting today, I went shopping and what I saw....just to stimulate a natural conversation about something at school. A conversation is better when kids bring up the subject themselves. 

• Direct questions: Rather than asking, "What did you do at school today?", I started asking more engaging questions like What you read in the class today?, Whom did you play with? What did you play? What new song Miss Ann taught you today?What is the name of the new girl/boy of your class?....infact, I just saw this wonderful blog that has some interesting questions to ask kids. 

• Ask just Once: One more thing I found out, if by chance I asked the same question again, she wouldn't reply and instead say "I just answered this, Mumma. Why would you ask me same thing again?" Asking same thing, makes it appear rehearsed and not natural. And I think kids feels they are being asked just for the sake of asking.

Phew! Parenting is tough. But I am glad, I don't get a one word reply now.

You often meet your FATE on the road you take to avoid it...

“You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it.” ― Goldie Hawn

I read this quote today and smiled! You know why? This actress, summarized the major events of my life in one simple sentence :) It is so true.

Going back in time, when my parents thought, it was the right time for me to get married. They placed an advertisement in the matrimonial section of Times of India and waited for prospective groom for their daughter, that is Me. What is it that you are looking for, in your life partner? They asked me. And I replied, I am not sure, But I don't want to marry a doctor or a lawyer or a businessman. And he shouldn't be very tall. I don't want to look like a kid when I stand next to him.
Well, my parents understood the first requirement but they could not comprehend the second one. Why height, a big concern? They thought. I rejected few good proposals( according to them) just because the guy was really tall. And somewhere they were unhappy with my decision (Did not say anything, as ultimately it was my life). And......It so happened.....I got in touch with Puneet ( who happened to be my school friend) and after few months one day he proposed me. And I said "Yes". We got married. He is btw 6'3''. Way above my cut off limit :)) The one thing that I avoided, was written in my destiny. Till today, we all laugh at my silly requirement.

And in the year 2010, when I was expecting Aanya... we had just shifted to Yale, New Haven. It was a new place, new hospital, new doctors and I had no clue which gynecologist should I choose. The management there suggested, I get seen by all delivering doctors in rotation at every visit. This way, I won't be uncomfortable during delivery ( as sometimes your gynecologist is not the one delivering). I liked the idea, only on one condition. I did not want to be seen by any male doctors. I successfully avoided meeting both the male doctors of the department....untill the due date. Puneet, took me to the hospital as I was experiencing some pain. To my luck, all the female doctors were busy, one of the male doctor was assigned to see me as it was an emergency. I almost fainted hearing that :) Well, anyways, it was just initial check not the delivery, I thought. I wasn't finished thinking, when the doctor gladly announced "Time for the baby now". Nooooo, I wasn't expecting this. My baby would be delivered by the other male doctor( on call, that day).

I know, you all are smiling at me, right now. Yes, the baby was delivered by the male doctor (Though, I must say, he was really really really good). I tried to avoid both the male doctors of the department but was ultimately been seen by both the last and final day :)

Moral of the stories: You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. Don't let fear decide your fate.

First lesson of Gratitude: Generosity

How many parents like me face this dilemma: We want to give our children everything we didn't have. But we don't want them to be ungrateful or, as others might say, “spoiled.”

The idea of spoiling my child is incongruous to the parent I want to be. I learnt gratitude because I never had so many things and was thankful for whatever little I had. So by giving my child what I never had—so many toys, boots, fashionable jeans—would she be destined to become ungrateful?

The question consumes me for a lot of time. Now that she's almost 4 yrs old and understand generosity, compassion, and the importance of helping others, its the right time to begin the lesson of being grateful by 1.) Donating toys and clothes generously. ( I wouldn't use the word 'old' toys/clothes because donating not necessarily have to be of old things.)

How do you encourage to do that?
When it comes to donating their own things, it's common for younger kids (and some grown ups too) to put up a fuss. Children often grow attached to their possessions, so it's natural for them to not want to part with them. I had read in few articles preaching gratitude, that the thumb rule should be: Buy one new, give away one old. BUT I don't like this idea. Why should buying be associated with giving away? I think kids should be taught to give away things they no longer use. Simple.

I encouraged my daughter to donate things that she no longer needs it, irrespective of whether I am buying a new one or not. A couple of days back, I brought a big box and had a below conversation with Aanya:
Me:  Can you separate all the toys and books that you no longer play with, in this box.
Aanya: Why?
Me:  We will give it to someone who needs it. It would make him/her happy and would appreciate having it. And you'll be able to focus more on the toys and books you love.
Aanya: It will make someone happy?
Me: Yes, certainly.
Aanya: Ummm...OK.

To my surprise, she gladly separated 7-8 toys, almost emptying her rack. I asked her if she was sure because she won't get them back and she replied " Yes, Mumma. I don't need them"....WOW!! That was simple! :)
It didnot end there. The next day, she took out a dress herself and asked me "Mumma, Can you please give this dress too to someone. I don't like it anymore"

Till few months back, I used to separate things myself, in front of her. And from now onwards, I am encouraging her to take the lead. You can say, trying to force decision-making and awareness among all her choices, hoping it would breed gratitude some day.

Kids can learn to be grateful for what they have by being good to others, and giving back to others. Being generous can bring out the best in kids.

To my Mother on her birthday

Birthday Celebration two years back at Urbana, IL

I write a lot about being a mother on this blog. And although my daughter is very often my main subject here, I would not be the mother I am today without the presence of one of the most selfless and beautiful women I know in my life– my own mom. 

Now, I can’t say that I had the kind of relationship where I wanted to confide in my mother about my problems, secrets, thoughts or feelings. No, I was a little more closed off than that. But, every mother and daughter share a different connection from the next.

For me, my mother has always been someone who comforted me. She was always there to take care of me when I was sick. She was always there to teach me the morning of a test– for hours at a time. She was always there at my school games, cheering me on. She was always there to help me settle down at my graduation school, post graduation school, first job...always! She was always there whenever I called her and even when I didn't. She was always there to watch movies, go shopping with me. She was there– that was what mattered. She was present. Always, always and always. My clothes were always ironed before school, and she would always pack my favorite food in lunchbox.  She made me feel like I was the most important human being in the world– and maybe, to her, I was.
 
And when I gave birth to my child, I remember I wanted the presence of my rock– my mother. She was there with me for over 3 months. She did everything to make my journey so far smooth.
She is the most selfless and caring human being I have ever known and if I am half the mother she is to me then I am proud.
So, Happy Birthday Mom. I love you. Thank you for always, always being at my side and having my back. Thank you for being my role model– you’re simply the best.

And because I don't say "Thank You" enough, I want to list all the things for which I am so grateful:

For sticking with me through those hellacious teenage years that I was horrible to you… For forgiving me in all the ways I hurt you and for not holding them against me... For bearing with me through all of the times I thought I knew better… For being my #1 prayer warrior... For always putting others before yourself... For treating Puneet as your own son, and loving him just as much… For being the.most.amazing Nani to Aanya that everyone could ever dream of... For telling me I am beautiful… For believing that I am beautiful…

Thank you, Mom!
Happiest of Birthdays, and May this year be your best one yet.

Things Husbands of Mothers should DO....

This post is to all the husbands who are also fathers, who work long hours full time while their wives take care of the children at home. So all you dads/husbands, this is for you :)

We know you do your best. We know you work long hours. We know that at the end of the day, sometimes you need a break too. But here’s the thing: society appreciates you. And while you’re viewed as the high and mighty “provider,”  your wife –the stay at home mom– is unappreciated, unpaid and viewed as being unambitious.

Raising a family is a team effort. The two of you got into parenthood together, so both of you have to make it work together. And for some families, having one working parent and one stay at home parent is the best solution. So while you reap the glory of being the “provider,” try to sing the praises of your wife who happily takes the backseat, puts everyone before herself, and  smile to watch as the people she loves shine.

So here are some things that Husbands should do for their Wives.

1. Let her feel little. In a world where your wife pulls little munchkins in tight for hugs, where she heals booboos with magic kisses, and she typically has someone sitting on her lap all hours of the day…sometimes she needs to feel little. I guarantee you that she misses what it felt like to be protected rather than to be the protector. Sometimes she needs you to give her a bear hug so she can remember what it feels like to be little and loved big.

2. Motherhood is mentally exhausting. Yes, you spend your days working hard to support your family and she appreciates that—trust me, she does. She knows she cannot do this without you. But far too often what she is doing is being taken for granted and under appreciated. Be her support. Be her constant. Motherhood is hard, it is exhausting, and speaking in baby language all day long is not easy. At the very least she deserves to shower in peace.

3. Acknowledge her accomplishments. You likely have a boss who acknowledges your successes and a paycheck that rewards you at the end of the month. You know what she has? A handful of children who take and take and take and very rarely give back. And then—she also has you. If you do not acknowledge that she can cook dinner while breastfeeding the baby and working on homework with your oldest all at the same time, then no one will. She needs to know that you are aware of the fact that she somehow grows octopus arms and that she can multitask like it’s nobody’s business. Come on, you know you couldn’t pull off the same.

4. If she's pregnant, be present. If you have the kind of job that allows you to make your own hours, try to leave early so you can come home early. She is likely dead tired at the end of the day. Her feet are swollen, her body is aching and she is carrying this baby for both of you. When you are home, be home—be present. And try to appreciate the fact that she is sacrificing her body for this child—your child.

5. She takes care of everyone, sometimes she needs to be taken care of. Don’t forget that she needs someone to rub her back, dry her tears, and listen to her words. She is more than just a continuation of her children. She is more than just your counterpart. She needs to be at the center sometimes too.

6. If you are lucky she will do the same for you. Because raising a family is a team effort and she knows that.

Dining Room Decor Project: DIY

I always knew in my mind, whenever I would own a house, the decor would be all DIY. And now, from the time we have bought his house, I have been busy doing it my way, one room at a time, all by myself.

My mantra for Home Decor

1. Home is not a Museum. It should not have pieces that you or your guests can't touch.
2. It should reflect your personality.
3. Less is more.
4. Clean lines, simple contours and bold colors.
5. and No sharp edged items.

So, the moment, Puneet and I saw this dining space when we were shopping house (there was this huge blank wall), we together pictured my trio paintings, that I had made couple of years back, adorning the wall. And that was the start of the decor ideas. Because those paintings are huge and say a lot by themselves, they don't need additional pieces to enhance the decor of any room.

 

We bought a clean and very modern dining set. Now, I needed curtains for the windows. And as I had decided earlier, instead of buying, I was going to make it. I went to Joann, bought this very bright and bold fabric and started with my sewing project. My First Ever Curtain Sewing Project.

It took me 2 days, about 5-6 hours total and I was so delighted by the end product, considering it my first attempt :)

And now when I look at before and after pictures, It makes me so happy that I could create a space exactly the way I had pictured in my mind....:)