One night, a mom after putting her 4 year old daughter, Rosie to bed, went to the bathroom to have a quick shower and change into her night clothes. The moment she came out, she saw her husband and Rosie (holding pillow) asking her if she can sleep with them tonight. And her reply was a big NO. Rosie resisted and cried. Normally it would have melted her heart, but that day it did not. She took Rosie back to her room and kissed her goodnight. And like always, She was declared the bad guy of the house, silently by everyone.
"Rosie said she doesn't like to sleep alone", said her husband." And that's what melted my heart and I brought her to our room".
"She doesn't like Beans either, or Broccoli or even brushing her teeth. Why doesn't your heart melt then?", mom replied. "It's not that, that we don't let her sleep with us at all. Of 7 days a week, she sleeps 2 (weekend) days with us, so I don't see any reason for you to be upset. Yes, if she wasn't sleeping with us at all and I reacted the way I did, then it makes sense to be slight upset. I think we are pretty fair with her."
Her husband found logic in her explanation and understood. She smiled and went to bed, hoping one day Rosie would understand too.
A lot of times we give in too easily. We just give in too easily to all the requests of our children. Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that? The unending requests and "I want it now" may follow you every time after you child reaches that 4-5 years of age. It happens at my household too. And I fail to understand why we melt down so easily to their tears? Why? Partly because I think its Instinctual. We think its their needs that we have to meet. We are their providers after all. And partly because, seeing our kids happy, it makes us good about ourselves.
Unfortunately, if we give in to every little want and need our child expresses, we are really feeding and nurturing a sense of false entitlement. Also, its a good thing too to give in to your child. So where is that fine line? of giving and not giving. I don't want my daughter to grow up with a false sense of entitlement, thinking she is entitled to everything without having to earn them. At 18 I don't want her to expect a car, without performing well at school (just an example)
So how do you challenge that false sense of entitlement in kids?
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