2 weeks just Me and Aanya (my 4yo): Challenges Faced...

Being a Parent is tough. And being a Single Parent is tougher. I have high respect for single parents and I know the challenges they face every single day of their lives. But do I understand those challenges? Probably not. I got the taste of raising my 4 yo child single-handedly for 2 weeks when my husband had gone to India. Yes, he travels a lot, but 2 weeks overseas was a long time.

So, what are the challenges that I faced in his absence:

1. I had to play with Aanya all the time. Keeping her constructively occupied was too challenging.
2. As much as I limit her screen time, during these 2 weeks there was less limitation. 
3. I ate zucchini for almost 3 days continuously. Yes, cooking for a single person is boring and how much less you cook, it's ample for a few days. 
4. Unfortunately those 2 weeks were super hot with temperature soaring above 95F, outdoor activities were too less. In short, we were mostly banging our heads indoors.
5. The house, that I always try to keep clean and organized was in chaos.
6. The refrigerator was full of little little boxes of leftovers.
7. Though my girl was such a good girl, I lost my patience a number of times.
8. The chores that he does, I had to do it. As in, doing vacuum cleaning and bathroom cleaning.  
9. After Aanya would go off to sleep, sitting alone, quietly, no one to talk to, made life dull. The biggest pro of marriage is, you have a partner to talk to and listen to. These 2 weeks, I was just Into my world of thoughts ;-)
10. And finally, probably the biggest one, Aanya developed pink eye and taking care of a child's infected eye alone is a nightmare. 

One thing I understood, raising a child ALONE is a difficult job. Did I learn anything from this experience? Yes.

1. It’s easy to lose your cool when you have to be “on” all the time. Don’t yell, because it’s not healthy for the child and you’ll regret it afterward. 
2. After one chaotic morning, I realised the only thing that has to be done in the morning is feed Aanya and myself a good breakfast and get a shower. No one is keeping a score of unmade beds or dirty dishes but me.
3. Always be prepared. I never leave the house without a water bottle and a snack. I learnt it's good to carry crayons, coloring books or little games in your purse. It was upto only me to entertain my child while we waited to be seated for dinner in a restaurant.  
4. Plan play dates, activities and supplies for the activities well in advance. So that when your partner goes away on a business trip, thinking part is already done, only execution part remains.

Fearless Progress

Earlier this month, after dropping my 4 year old daughter at school playground, I went inside the class to put her bag into her cubby. And while passing by the playground, I saw her playing with her friends, so I stopped at the door and couldn't resist from watching her for a few minutes. I enjoy observing her when she doesn't know I am watching. It's the best way to learn things about her and her personality that I usually don't get a chance to see. When I am around, she's a little more cautious trying new things and knows I'll be there to offer a helping hand. And when I am not around or when she's with her friends, I sense that she tries to dig a little deeper and isn't afraid to try new things.

As I was peeking through the door, I saw my little girl hanging on the metal monkey bar and trying to move ahead one bar at a time. She could do two bar and while gathering all her energy to move to the next, she fell down. She got up and raced back to do it again. She did this same thing four five times and then cheerfully ran towards the tire swing. Wow! I was awestruck. I honestly didn't know she suddenly had so much strength in her hands and courage in her heart to do the monkey bars.

And then, a few days back, I saw few rashes on her palm. Yes, that was obviously from doing monkey bars again and again. I asked her not to do the bars for sometime, until the rashes are cured. And she replied " Then how will I learn? You know Mumma, Practise makes Progress"...Well, Thank you, Sweetheart for this amazing lesson. I smiled.

And guess what! She can do all the Monkey bars now. She glides through them truly like a monkey. Nothing could stop her from learning the skill. Not the fall, Not the rashes, NOTHING! And the best part is She is Proud of Herself. And. So. Am. I. 

I enjoy nothing more that observing my children when they don’t know I am watching. It’s the best way to learn things about them and their personalities that I usually don’t get a chance to see. - See more at: http://www.lindleypless.com/#sthash.A2a3L5e0.dpuf

I enjoy nothing more that observing my children when they don’t know I am watching. It’s the best way to learn things about them and their personalities that I usually don’t get a chance to see. - See more at: http://www.lindleypless.com/#sthash.A2a3L5e0.dpuf

I enjoy nothing more that observing my children when they don’t know I am watching. It’s the best way to learn things about them and their personalities that I usually don’t get a chance to see. - See more at: http://www.lindleypless.com/#sthash.A2a3L5e0.dpuf

How Aanya's Art Changed Over Time...Part 2

In one of my earlier post (Link: Zero-Four: How Aanya's Art Changed Over Time), I posted some of Aanya's artwork from Age 0 to Age 4 and saw how both writing and art gradually changed over time and how it's becoming more controlled and complex as she's growing.

One thing I know, Each child is different and they all develop at different speeds and different ways. After all, it's not a competition. However, when it comes to Art, there are some clear stages that all kids pass through and it's quite exciting to follow those stages, like what I have been doing, and enjoy some wonderful artwork they create over the years.

So, continuing from where I left last, At age 4.5 years, Aanya uses her imagination to draw anything that is in her mind at that time of drawing. She makes pictures of things that are "known to her", rather than "as seen", so there is less perspective or scale involved.

That's 'Frozen' princesses in a spiky castle. 

That's Sea Gorilla

That's a boy holding a balloon

A Fox going to Bed

That's a happy butterfly flying near a happy flower

To encourage her thought process, I sometimes give her a theme like "Draw something that you saw at school today", "Draw something that you read about", "Draw an animal"....A recent example would be our Botanical Garden trip and I asked her to draw whatever she saw there. And this is what is drew...

Interesting, right? Now, in order to encourage her skills, besides doing all 4 that I mentioned in my last blog, I have added 3 more.

1. Me time: Being a single child, it's quite difficult to keep her entertained or busy all the time. So, after she comes back from school, I give a half an hour of Me time to her and to myself, where both of us do something on our own. Either read book or draw, in separate rooms.

2. Wall Artwork: One entire wall of her room is devoted to her artwork. Just a single wall, and not the entire house where she can glue pictures here and there. And only those pictures make up to the art wall that are good. And who will decide if the picture is good? Ofcourse Me. So she knows, she has to work hard in order for her work to be displayed.

3. Capacity Building: I believe in capacity building. From time to time, I teach her to draw things. Like how to draw a house, a bird, a butterfly, dog...

So, there we are. More on the artwork subject will come as she grows. But in the meantime, try looking out for some of the art and writing milestones your kids pass on the way and treasure them.

Please do share with us, how you encourage your child to creativity?

A Little Girl and Her Wardrobe (Drama)...

Photo credit: Pottery Barn Kids Dress Up Tower

When a woman finds out she's having a baby girl, she envisions a wardrobe full of pretty dresses, bows and sandals. Enters into a dream world where she would dress up her daughter like her own personal baby doll and in real world she does manage to do that for the first three years of her life. And then one day: Boom!! With no warning, the baby girl suddenly has an opinion. An opinion that usually involves a full pant with monster t-shirt, or a superhero t shirt.

"You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts", rightly said by Khalil Gibran. Also, you can't pick out their clothes once they decide pink skirt with flower t shirt aren't the style statement they want to make.

Everyday, I take out 2 wardrobe options for Aanya and look at Puneet as if I am going in for a battle. He looks back at me as if he wants to tell me I am the bravest woman he'd ever met. Most of the days, with some changes Aanya will wear one of them. But then, there are days when all my choices are dismissed with bold: NOT ANY OF THESE. She tells me " Mumma, I don't like all these everytime". So, I give up. And ask her to go look in the closet and pick one outfit for herself. I am done with these everyday tiffs and it doesn't matter to me whatever she chooses to wear. That's untrue actually. I sure want her to wear certain outfits which look girly. Our mornings were filled with wardrobe drama and I needed to come up with a better solution.

Oh! I did come up with one. I asked Aanya recently to pick out her own clothes the night before. And if she's unable to decide, then she will have to wear whatever I picked out with no argument. And guess what! our new system isn't much less painful. It just takes place at 7 PM, instead of 8 AM...Boo hoo hoo.

It makes me sad at times thinking that Aanya is just 4. When I think of how many years of this we have ahead of us, it makes me want her school to have a uniform. Just like how my school was when I was young. And we haven't reached the age where she's conscious of brands. I can see those years will be horrendous...a treasure actually.

What I am realizing slowly, that even if its important to me that Aanya look cute, it's not about me.
In life, it doesn't really matter. Yes, the clothes have to be appropriate but if Aanya wants to look like superhero or a monster then it's not worth the fight. I don't want to spend these years battling over stupid princess dress, or two ponytails or simply that t shirts doesn't match with the shorts.
I want to spend these years with a focus on shaping Aanya's heart, not her closet. I want her to be the best version of who God has created her to be. I want her to be kind, loving, gentle and enjoying every morning and the day that follows. I want her to know it is who she is inside that makes her unique and not the Disney dress.

P.S: Mothers of boys, you sure are lucky here! I remember doing outfit shopping for kids (sans kids) with my sister-in-law (who has 2 boys) and what confidently she shopped without giving a second thought. I, on the other hand barely shopped. Yes, barely.

Potty Training an infant or a young toddler: My approach...

 Aanya was completely diaper free by 18 months. She was poop trained by the time she was a year old and pee trained by the time she was18 months old. It often surprises parents when I say this. Her teachers at daycare were amazed when I sent her there without a diaper/s. Infact, just yesterday someone asked me how I trained her. So here it is- my approach to potty training, some simple beliefs, and how I think you can potty train your young child too.

I started training her, the moment she started sitting all by herself, which was by 6-7 months. I bought an infant potty chair and made her sit on it for sometime everyday during morning hours. I would sit in front of her and read her a book or talked to her or played something, while she sat there watching me. It worked. Soon she learnt to go potty first thing in the morning and I rarely changed a poopy diaper beyond 7 months of age.

Some of my beliefs for the process were/are:

1. If kids can signal hunger, they can signal wanting to go potty too: Kids cry when they are hungry and we train them to ask for food as they grow up. I strongly believe it is the same with potty training. When the child is too young to go to the bathroom by himself or herself, we have to watch for the signals and take them to the bathroom. And in this process, patience is an important virtue.
2. Bodies have a rhythm: We eat at regular intervals and we go bathroom at regular intervals. If we cultivate these rhythms, it becomes a healthy habit.
3. Be ready: We should be okay with rushing our child to the potty when we see that little pressure cringe on his or her face, even if we are at a friend’s place or in a mall or anywhere. Infact, be ready at the middle of the night too.

How we trained Aanya:

1. Understood her rhythm and made the start: Aanya soiled her diaper twice a day, usually at the same time and the moment she started sitting by herself- that was when I started. Just before her expected time of pooping, I would make her sit on her potty and talked to her. Before I knew it, she would poop. It was not instant, it took a couple of days, but the point is, it happened. The feel of no diaper and potty chair is important. 
2. Cheer in excitement: I always made a big deal whenever she pooped or peed in her potty, like clapping, cheering, hugging. It made her excited too. She began to associate her action to happy outcome. Even today, I appreciate her when she uses potty.
3. Noticed the signs: Poop signals are hard to miss in infants. Their faces crunch up. The moment I saw this sign, I would rush her to potty. These off schedule potty needs were rare, esp after  her morning and evening rhythm was set.
4. Diaper free bottoms worked: Not sure why we delayed in this, but when Aanya turned 17 months old and we were to shift to a new location where we had rented a carpeted house. Soiling a carpet scared me and I decided to peep train her before we shift. One weekend we left her diaper free. Realised, she had never sensed her pee, so it was important to have a few accidents, the feeling of wetness would quickly pee train her. And It Did. Soon after 2 accidents she was ready. We taught her a pee pee dance to convey to us whenever she wanted to go potty. She really enjoyed that dance. And very soon, by 18 months, she would rush to her potty and pull down pajamas all by herself.
5. Night time effort: Got her to potty, before nap or bedtime. She was a milk baby and she absolutely had to have her milk before she went to bed. So, I used to take her to potty around 11:30PM again, she would pee there while still asleep and would have a complete night with no accidents after that.

So, I would say, Potty training does work out in infant and young toddlers. We don't need to wait for 2-3 years to see if they are ready. They are ready even before we realise it. Just a little effort and much patience. Timing matters. Before they start to walk, make them sit on potty, else to make them sit would be a bigger task :)

I would love to hear what worked out for you, if you trained your infant. And share if you think someone would benefit from this piece of information.

Why does Disney do this?

Today, after dinner, Aanya and I settled down for an evening family movie. The type that Walt Disney films excel at. Disney films where no matter the adversity faced, the good WILL always win over evil. So, it was Dumbo. Dumbo, was the movie Aanya wanted to watch. She has a Dumbo story book as well, the one I read it to her just once and thereafter she never showed interest in it. I could not understand why. Until TODAY...

The movie started off with a sweet note...storks delivering newborn offspring to various circus animals, everyone happy to receive their newborns... with beautiful Momma and baby moments. I kept on explaining the scenes to Aanya until I saw her teary eyed. She looked at me and started crying "I don't like that, Mumma". The scene she was referring, was the one where fatherless Dumbo (baby elephant) is cruelly separated from Mrs Jumbo (Mommy elephant) after she is locked up for her apparent psychosis. As I was easing her down, the follow-up scene in which she cradles Dumbo with her trunk through the bars of her cage window, was too much for Aanya to handle and we stopped the movie right there.

I don't mind admitting, there are movies that make me cry. But I am not a kid and even after crying it really doesn't affect me much. It's a far different experience to be settled in for a movie night- ready for few laughs-few 'awww' moments, few nice messages and then get hit by the scene, the one that leaves your kid upset, teary eyed and sobbing.

Today's movie venture made me realize; to young children, something bad happening to parents on screen is much more upsetting. And now I know, why Aanya never liked her Dumbo book. She didn't tell me the reason because I think she herself wasn't sure of one.

I am not going to show her the following movies too ( the ones that I have seen), not until she is old enough to understand.

• Bambi, abandoned by his father before birth, experiences hunting and subsequent shooting of his mother.
• The Lion King, Simba's father gets killed in a stampede of wildebeests and Simba finds himself guilty of that. 
• Finding Nemo, gets separated from his father and gets caught by a diver and gets captured in a dentist's fish tank.

And Sometimes I wonder, why Disney fails to honor the most sacred of bonds- that of the mother and the father to their children. Phew! Tonight's movie hardly turned out to be a family entertainment. On a lighter note, if you or your child hasn't seen Disney's Robin-Hood, please do watch. Aanya has watched it for like 4 times and loves the light hearted battel of Robin, little John and other merry men against their evil foes. 

Watching Your Child Sleep...

Photo credit: The3dstudio.com

The other night, long after I'd tucked Aanya into bed, I went back into her room to check on her and honestly to watch her sleep. I'll never get tired of seeing the way she hugs her piggy( a soft toy) and sleeps a relaxed sleep. Not to mention it's the only time in the day when she's not asking me questions or telling me stories or asking me to help her with everything she's doing. Basically talking non-stop the full time she's at home. I don't know how she manages but she does it. It felt so quiet and peaceful.

The moment took me back 4.5 yrs when, Puneet was driving me to the hospital and trust me it was the scariest ride of my life. I was afraid. Yes, in pain too. But I was too overwhelmed by what was going to happen and how our lives were about to be turned upside down. I was terrified of labor. Terrified thinking that a male doctor was on call (Yes, it sounds silly, I know). Epidural. What if the epidural did not work? Puneet couldn't comfort me, because he too was submerged with emotions. The thing with men is, they can't feel the baby the way we women can and are clueless the entire nine months until they are handed over a little life, a tiny part of them, who can bring tears of joy down their eyes.

"This is it " We thought. We won't be alone for at least 18 years now. Our lives were about to change and there is no going back. We were going to enter Parenthood. The one we had signed up for nine months ago.

With all these overwhelming thoughts, a day and a half of labor, 3 hours of unsuccessful push and after an hour of c-section, I looked at Aanya for the first time. Humbled. Grateful. It didn't matter that she looked like an alien. I knew I will love her and always believe she's cute. I saw that perfection. And love. And mercy. And grace. I had never seen the hand of God so clearly in all my life.

Standing beside her bed, with these thoughts in my mind I smiled and Thanked God once again for the beautiful present He gifted me and assigned a big responsibility of raising her into a wonderful woman.

I will take good care of you baby girl. I promise.

Zero-Four: All about Toys and Games...

Today I was packing away the toys and games that Aanya no longer plays with, which gives me a perfect opportunity to write up what went well with the toys (as in, her favorites) she has had in last four years. Parents whose children are younger than Aanya often ask me to recommend good games and new parents often complain their child, inspite of having room filled with toys barely plays with any. Hope this post would be some help to them.

Before I start, there are two rules that we follow. Rule 1: Limit the number of toys. The fewer, the better. We believe, with fewer toys kids can concentrate more on each. With too many toys their attention span suffers and rarely learn to appreciate the toy in front of them (if they have countless options on the shelf behind them) Yes, its frustrating at times when kids feel bored, which parents often feel is due to lack to enough toys. But that's the time they can be engaged to Arts and Craft and have plenty of opportunity to play Outdoors.
And Rule number 2 ( which we tried to follow till age 2): Don't spend much on toys. Buy second hand as much as possible.

Age 0-6 months 

1. Bright Starts Grab and Spin Rattle: $3.50  
2. Baby Einstein Take along Tunes : $7.00
3. Fisher- Price Rainforest melodies and lights deluxe Gym: $55.00
4. Baby Einstein Bendy Ball: $7.00
5. Lamaze Play and grow- Freddie the firefly: $15

Age 6-12 Months

1. Fisher Price Brilliant Basics Rock-a-Stack: $4.00
2. Tiny Love Follow me Activity Toy, Fred :$16.00
3. Fisher Price Go baby Go Stride to Ride Dino:

 

 Age 1-2 yrs

1. Lakeshore learning's Play and learn Puzzle blocks: $17.00
2. Fisher Price Brilliant basics Melody Push Chime: $16.00
3. Leapfrog learn and Groove Musical Table: $40.00
4. Mellisa and Doug large shaped jumbo puzzle: $ 18.00
5. Fisher price Laugh and Learn love to play Puppy: $ 32.00
6. Playskool Busy Poppin' Pals Toy: $17.00

Age 2-3 yrs

1. Lego Duplo
2. Mellisa n Doug Stacking Train $ 14.00
3. Small world Toys Living- Peel N Play Velcro play set: $ 19.00
4. Step2 Lifestyle fresh Accents Kitchen: $78.00
5.  Lego Duplo
6.  Fisher Price Rock Roll and Ride Trike: $55.00
7.  and 8. Mellisa and Doug Inside Numbers and Alphabets peg puzzle: $8.00

Age 3-4 yrs

1. V Tech Tote and Go laptop: $38.00
2. Play Dough
3. Step2 Easel for two : $50.00
4. Jigsaw Puzzles and more puzzles and some more puzzles... 
5. Puzzles
6.  Popular Playthings Hexi Snaps:  $29.00 
7. Little Tikes Turtle Sand Box: $70.00

Age 4 

1. Monopoly Junior Board Game: $13.00
2. Quercetti Techno building Toy: $28.00
3. Spider-man Foam Bat/Ball  Set: $13.00
4. Fisher Price Travel Doodler Pro: $22.00
5. Hasbro Memory game: $14.00
6. Chutes and Ladder: $11.00
7. Fisher Price Medical Kit:$14.00

Hope this post will be some help to you in buying toys for your kids. The prices are the current
prices from Amazon.com, which might change in future or you might find cheaper somewhere else.

Experienced parents, Please do share what are your kids' favorite toys. It might be a good recommendation for other parents, as we all know toys are not cheap. A good recommendation goes a long way.

Story of a Girl's Sense of False Entitlement

One night, a mom after putting her 4 year old daughter, Rosie to bed, went to the bathroom to have a quick shower and change into her night clothes. The moment she came out, she saw her husband and Rosie (holding pillow) asking her if she can sleep with them tonight. And her reply was a big NO. Rosie resisted and cried. Normally it would have melted her heart, but that day it did not. She took Rosie back to her room and kissed her goodnight. And like always, She was declared the bad guy of the house, silently by everyone.

"Rosie said she doesn't like to sleep alone", said her husband." And that's what melted my heart and I brought her to our room".
"She doesn't like Beans either, or Broccoli or even brushing her teeth. Why doesn't your heart melt then?", mom replied. "It's not that, that we don't let her sleep with us at all. Of 7 days a week, she sleeps 2 (weekend) days with us, so I don't see any reason for you to be upset. Yes, if she wasn't sleeping with us at all and I reacted the way I did, then it makes sense to be slight upset. I think we are pretty fair with her."

Her husband found logic in her explanation and understood. She smiled and went to bed, hoping one day Rosie would understand too.

A lot of times we give in too easily. We just give in too easily to all the requests of our children. Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that? The unending requests and "I want it now" may follow you every time after you child reaches that 4-5 years of age. It happens at my household too. And I fail to understand why we melt down so easily to their tears? Why? Partly because I think its Instinctual. We think its their needs that we have to meet. We are their providers after all. And partly because, seeing our kids happy, it makes us good about ourselves.

Unfortunately, if we give in to every little want and need our child expresses, we are really feeding and nurturing a sense of false entitlement. Also, its a good thing too to give in to your child. So where is that fine line? of giving and not giving. I don't want my daughter to grow up with a false sense of entitlement, thinking she is entitled to everything without having to earn them. At 18 I don't want her to expect a car, without performing well at school (just an example)

So how do you challenge that false sense of entitlement in kids?

Art inspried from the artist Pierre Daura...

Every month, The Georgia Museum of Art, hosts a family day, where kids and their parents are guided through an art making activity. Last month we attended one on the Valentine's day and created a collage valentine card (see here) inspired by Italian artist Piero Lerda. This month it was portrait inspired by Spanish artist Pierre Daura.

Our art spree did not end here. It gave me an idea, why not make portrait of all three of us. Just to encourage and motivate Aanya, I volunteered to make her portrait. And she readily agreed to make mine and Puneet's. I drew it on canvas free hand and she painted on her own, with her choice of colors. Ofcourse, I did help her with eyes and nose...

And here's what we created...

I know it appears funny, but come on people, it was our first portrait ever!!

The Spring Break Project... Part 1

Holidays! Aah! If you ( like me) have a single child, you probably won't be thrilled about the break, esp if you aren't going anywhere out. How you will keep your child busy without loosing your sanctity, would be your main concern. Right?

So this Spring break, I pre-planned few exciting projects for Aanya. One of them being The Creative Coloring House Project. I bought this from Hobby Lobby for $ 10.00 (after discount) and it kept her busy for 4 days.

 Instead of constructing house first and then coloring (as shown in the picture), I asked Aanya to color first. Doing one side of the house every day was fun and brought her closer to the final house construction, which kept the surprise element intact.

 And finally...

 What a beautiful surprise, Mumma. I love it. Thank you for this, said Aanya

Learn to Read....

Just last month, we were at Barnes and Nobel browsing books and stuffs. Suddenly I heard a voice...

Mummy, come here.
What is it, Aanya? I said
Come here, I want to show you something.
OK, coming.
Look, I have this book at my school.
Really? OK.
Can I see that book for a second, Mummy?
Sure, here you go.
Come with me Mummy...taking me to the table chair kept there. The next thing that happened simply amazed me.

Mat. Mat sat. Sam.Sam sat. Mat sat. Sam sat. Mat sat on Sam. Sam sat on Mat.....

What? You can read all that? I asked astonishingly.
Yes, I can. I read it at school.
Wow! That's so very nice. I am impressed.
Can you buy this book for me, please?
Ofcourse, I can.

The first thing I did, after returning home, was to order her books from Amazon. She was so excited reading that book to me, all by herself. All this while I had been reading story books to her, she had watched me read all the time. I knew she was reading cards and learning phonics at school, but this came as a big surprise. A good big surprise. The pride in her eyes, the confidence in her words, thrilled me. My 4 yr old had made that giant step into reading. It took me back to my school days and of course, I don't remember when I began reading, but I do remember what my first few self read sentences were. 'Kamla ghar chal. Dheer mut kar.'

This is a set of 12 books and Aanya has been practicing reading everyday now. She loves to read out to me and thanks to these books, we pretend to PLAY school, she being our teacher and we her students :)

Honestly, this post is not about a four year old reading. Its about a mother's excitement of her child's first reading. I am sure most of you who are reading this post look forward to and can relate to this feeling very well. We parents get excited about every small achievement of our children, especially the first ones. Infact, all the first time experiences are worth remembering, whether it's our childrens or our own. We rely so much on memories. Memories of the moments that make us who we are and influence us how we react to the present... first day of school...first act on stage....first ride on a bicycle....first day of college....first paying job....first best friend....first salary....first car.....first home....I have lived all these firsts and I am looking forward to re live those again through Aanya...:)

Our Battle with Infant Torticollis and Plagiocephaly...

Aanya had Torticollis soon after she was born or should I say, when she was born. I don't know. Infant Torticollis is a tightness in neck muscle which causes the head to tilt to one side. And Congenital Torticollis is a condition that is present at birth or shortly after birth. As first time parents, we didnot notice her tilted head for a month. Infact, we didnot notice her tilted head at all. It was the flatness in the head ( known as plagiocephaly) that we noticed after a month. We realised, her head is not as round as it should be.

After a thorough checkup, the doctor told us, Aanya has TORTICOLLIS. What's that? My instant reaction. And how could she have developed that? I asked. The reason could be any of these;
prolonged labour, pelvis being too small and fetal head too big or the fetal dropped early into the pelvis. We were told. Because the child cannot turn the head to both sides(due to tightness in neck muscles) and prefer one side, the head eventually gets flat from behind.

We got referred to a Pediatric Plastic Surgeon.To start with, he advised repositioning. Basically how to position the baby during feeding, sleeping, eating and playing to help stimulate neck muscles. And along with it some stretch exercises which were to be performed about 3 times a day. This would take care of Torticollis and once its treated and the head moves in all directions, plagiocephaly will be gradually gone ( though only about 60 percent).  He suggested doing a helmet which would correct the deformed head by 90 percent. The choice was ours, if we wanted to get the helmet right away or wait untill few months to see the progress with physical therapy and if a helmet was really required by then. We were also referred to a physical therapist who would teach us, twice a month, more exercises for proper muscular and skeletal development.

To our relief, by the end of 6 months and after regular exercises, increased amounts of tummy times and repositioning, Aanya's stiff neck got better but unfortunately the plagiocephaly did not.

During that time, we did lot of research on helmets- to do or not to do. And we decided to do it. It was quite emotional. Googling the helmet casting pictures almost traumatized me. I felt I failed Aanya by making her go through all this. The orthotists though tried to make the casting process as fun and light hearted but the overall thought was quite heart wrenching. The day Aanya was to get her helmet, I was an emotional wreck. I still did not have peace with how I failed her. Parenting could be so hard some days.

Aanya got her helmet at 7 months and we were told she would wear it until she was a year old. We could not believe how quickly her head improved with the helmet. She got it on right before a couple of major growth spurts and within two weeks, we saw a noticeable difference. It got better with each passing week and by the end of 4 months, it was 90 percent corrected.

Now, 3 years after the helmet came off, I never think about any of this. I barely remember those helmet days and Aanys’s head looks perfect. I do get emotional looking back her pictures from her head casting, first fitting and all other helmet days. I’m so glad we made the choice we did to use the helmet. This is my favorite helmet picture, she was always so happy and never noticed her helmet.

Torticollis in infants maynot be prevented but it is treatable. If it is left untreated, it may lead to long term problems like permanent facial asymmetry and a muscle strength imbalance that directly affects baby's development.
If anyone wants to talk to me about this, I will be more than glad to discuss. I believe we're at our best when we give ourselves fully and courageously to one another and share our joys, struggles, and lessons learned along the path.

Torticollis in infants may not be prevented but it is very treatable. If the torticollis is left untreated it may lead to long term problems such as permanent facial asymmetry and a muscle strength imbalance that directly affects baby's development. - See more at: http://www.baby-safety-concerns.com/torticollis-treatment.html#untreated

Torticollis in infants may not be prevented but it is very treatable. If the torticollis is left untreated it may lead to long term problems such as permanent facial asymmetry and a muscle strength imbalance that directly affects baby's development. - See more at: http://www.baby-safety-concerns.com/torticollis-treatment.html#untreated

plagiocephalypla

also called wryneck, is a tightness in the neck muscle - See more at: http://www.baby-safety-concerns.com/infant-torticollis.html#sthash.ftnvLGX3.dpuf

also called wryneck, is a tightness in the neck muscle - See more at: http://www.baby-safety-concerns.com/infant-torticollis.html#sthash.ftnvLGX3.dpuf

also called wryneck, is a tightness in the neck muscle - See more at: http://www.baby-safety-concerns.com/infant-torticollis.html#sthash.ftnvLGX3.dpuf

Mom at Barberitos....

Dear Mom of a beautiful little daughter, who I saw at Barberitos today, you just melted my heart. What a lovely duo you both were!

You may not know, but I was secretly watching you both eat, talk, smile and laugh...you may not know, but looking at you, I was imagining me and my daughter having a chat over a bowl of nachos and burritos, you may not know, but whenever I see mothers on a date with their daughters, it makes me happy, you may not know, but I was super impressed in those 20 min when you did not peep into your phone even once, you may not know but I overheard your daughter talk about her new friend at school and you smiling over her excitement....you may not know, but I could sense your daughter believing in below words....

Mum, I love you so much,
with all my heart and soul
You let me do mostly everything,
yet you still play your role

I do know how lucky,
I am to have you there
Someone to talk to,
someone to really care

by Roslyn Stewart aged 13

Yesterday, Aanya asked me, "Mumma, why do we have parents?" "We have parents to take care of us, to love us immensely and unconditionally and to guide us become good adults." I answered. 
A lot of times parenting is quite stressful. In our subconscious mind we question ourselves; Are we doing it right? Yes, we are doing it right. We all try to do what's right for our children.

And back to the mom (who I saw at barberitos), an important step towards right parenting is spending uninterrupted quality time with your children. It need not be hours, just a few minutes of sharing, listening and doing things together. I absolutely loved the way you spent the evening with your daughter.

The Story of "Yummy...!!" (Banana Bread)

Generally, I feel nice when someone says "The food is yummy!", for that matter, anyone would feel great. Mission accomplished feeling. But this is not the case when my daughter, Aanya says "Its yummy, Mumma!" It leaves me confused, a lot of times disappointing me, especially when it is followed by "I like it". Know why? Because, after these statements, the food in the plate remains unfinished, with a reason "Actually Mumma, I don't like it. I was just kidding". Strange! Yes, it is :)

So, today when Aanya was at school, I made Banana Bread for her (without nuts).

I gave her in a plate and the first bite was followed by this conversation;

" Its yummy, Mumma. I like this bread!"
"Ok"
"Its so so yummy. I love it!" (after another bite)
"Ok"
"Mumma, you should call my friends and make banana bread. They will love it too. Its delicious" (after another bite)
"Ok" (with a smile on my face now)
"Thank you for making this bread for me. I really like it" ( with a big kiss and a big hug)

And yes, she ate it all up. Wow! This was the best genuine "yummy" I ever heard. And it didn't end there. When Puneet returned from work, she announced "Papa, do you know, Mummy made banana bread. Its so yummy". Now that was too much for the day or for any day :)

Aanya is getting funnier with each passing day and I wasn't kidding when in one of my earlier blog, I mentioned I don't want to keep her small. These are the joys of life with a pre schooler :) Their jokes, funny remarks, their growing independence " I can do it myself", their want to learn " Can I try...", their offer to help " Can I help you fold clothes, wash dishes, mix cake batter....", their games moving a level up to board games, their nonstop "whys" and the best is, they now smile and look in the camera while clicking pictures, something like this....

....I am loving all of it!

Aanya: I love Mummy because...

Morning conversation one fine day,

Puneet: Aanya, do you love Mummy?
Aanya: Yes
Puneet: Give three reasons why you love her?
Aanya: I like Mummy because...ummm...ummm...ummm...because (pause)
Me: You love Papa?
Aanya: Yes
Me: Why?
Aanya: Because he plays with me (loud and clear)

This conversation made me think, Why wasn't Aanya able to give even a single reason for why she loves me? Is it because whatever I do for her or for my family is--- my job? A job that is unappreciated and easily taken for granted? Or is it because she thinks I do nothing that can be accounted for?
Before negativity could take over, I decided to get going with my daily rituals. Come on, she's just a little girl and I love her for a million of reasons :)

Afternoon conversation the same day,

Aanya: Mumma, I want to hug you. I love you.
Me: Why?
Aanya: because...you cook food, you make delicious breakfast for me, you buy clothes and toys for me, you play with me, you take me to school, you help me brush teeth, take bath, you give me crayons and color with me...
Me: And I ....
Aanya: No, no, let me speak. You make yummy cupcakes for me and my friends with rainbows....

So, going back to our morning conversation, its not that she couldn't give a single reason, its just that, she couldn't decide which three reasons out of so many reasons :)

If Halloween Costume Could Talk...

Happy Halloween Everyone!

About a month back....actually couple of months back, I asked Aanya, so what do you want to be on Halloween this year...Batman, Superman, Princess, Bumble bee, Witch or anythings else? 3 years is I guess too young an age, to be consistent on ones choice, esp when there are hundred's of costumes to pick from.

So one day, it was Superheros, because she saw boys in her school wearing superheros T shirt everyday and she found it really cool and empowering.
Later, it was Curious George, because she was following the monkey's episodes and found it quite funny.
After few days, it was Snow White, because I was reading the story of Snow white to her day in and day out, until she memorized it ;-)
and then it was Bumble bee, as her teacher taught her the bumble bee nursery rhyme and she liked it.

As the days were nearing, I asked her again, to decide on ONE costume. She can't be all of them. And finally after much serious thinking, she said "BUDDY". She wanted to be Buddy, the Dinosaur. 
So, it was final. I needed to organize that costume for her.

The costume was purchased and she even had dress rehearsal a few times before Halloween, smilingly, happily, excitedly. And now we waited for Halloween eagerly.

Today....The Halloween Day! Aanya turned into a Dinosaur, ready to scare and eat everyone who comes her way ;-)
When she reached her school, as I opened the door, her friends came running towards her and said 
"Wow! It’s Buddy from Dinosaur Train." And underneath the head where no one could see, Aanya smiled. She was happy.

And that's when I realized, Costumes are about more than the fabric they’re made of. Don't you think so?

Zero to Four: How Aanya's Art Changed Over Time...

Creativity is the bridge to learning. We all know that. And one of the most important ways a child tunes into creativity is by experimenting with Art materials. Today I was looking at some of Aanya's writing and artwork, I saw how it gradually changed and is becoming more controlled and complex as she is growing...I find it quite exciting.

How at very early age, both Art and Writing skills are one and the same. At first, it’s all about just figuring out what these cool things called crayons can do. At 15 months(1.5 years), Aanya held crayons first time and just the movement of her hand resulted in lines and scribbles. And it made her so happy.

 

And then, a year later, at 2.5 years, she developed a better control over the muscles in her hands and fingers, and her scribbles began to change and became more controlled.  She made repeated marks on the page—open circles, diagonal, curved, horizontal or vertical lines...

 

At 3 years, she started to Write. And that started with the letter 'A'. Probably because its the first letter of her name or may be because its the first letter of the alphabets. But it really was exciting. She was moving towards developing her writing skills.

 

And other than drawing something from crayons and pencil, I found she actually started to fill in colors. Filling colors is something that needs lot of concentration and at that age, patience and concentration skills is not much.

 

At age, 3.5 years, that is, during this summer vacation, Aanya started practicing her art and writing skills both. I gave her a notebook and made her practice. Her drawing changed from lines and circles to picture of something. Picture of unplanned something. And she would give it a name like a cat, dog, house, sun. 

 

And writing...she could write all alphabets :) So yes, this summer vacation was quite productive in terms of developing her creativity.

And finally, when she is almost 4 ( a month short), she can create stories by her drawing. She plans prior to her drawing as to what she will create. There are more details in the pictures. She has begun to purposefully draw images, trying to master symbolic thinking. She understands the difference between pictures and writing and hence I see her draw picture and write her name underneath it. She tries to share her story with me :)

Its a cat standing on grass. The sun is out to give her warmth :)

And talking about her coloring skills, it is lot better and she actually takes time in filling up an object.

Isn't that exciting? From scribbling to meaningful drawing. It amazes me when I sit down and think about the development process of a child. I am looking forward to how Aanya progresses in her Creativity via Art and Writing in coming years.

In order to encourage her skills, I do the following:

1. Make art a regular part of playtime: She has an Art room, full of crayons, pencils, markers, water colors, papers, scissors, glue and easel. I just let her do whatever she wants with those.

2. No instructions: I don't instruct her. I just let her experiment and explore and let her express herself in her own way. At times, I just sit down and observe her creation and guide wherever she needs it.

3. Notice the process, not the product: Its really important. Earlier I would comment on the color she filled. Why is tree red? It should be green. Why is house circle? It should be square. Later I realised, what she drew is not important. What she is thinking about her drawing is important. And now, I just appreciate her effort and ask more about what she drew. Ofcourse, tree can be red! :)

4. And finally, Display her work: That's how it makes her feel, her work is valued and is important.

Creative Expression lets children tap into the magic of their own imaginations—which is what being a child is all about. Right?

How was your Day today...

Conversation with Aanya after school:

Me: How was your day today at school?
Aanya: Good
Me: You had fun?
Aanya: Yes
Me: What did you do?
Aanya: I played.

The school has begun and I find myself asking Aanya this question everyday after school. These one word reply often puts me off. Ofcourse, you played at school. That's it? I want to know lot more. You spend 7 hours at school, it has to be more than one word 'Good'. 

I realised that asking how was your day today was probably the least effective way of finding out what was happening at school. I need to ask about things that are specific, but still open-ended. I need to have a conversation that is more natural, than forced. I need to device an effective approach. And here's what I did....

•  Greet first, ask later: I discovered, Aanya was least interested to talk right after school, when she is really tired. So, I learnt just to greet and chat about other things to get her a little more relaxed, at times giving her an anecdote from my own day.  

•  So, yes, talked about my day first: I shared something about my day. Like whom did I talk to over the phone, if I read something interesting today, I went shopping and what I saw....just to stimulate a natural conversation about something at school. A conversation is better when kids bring up the subject themselves. 

• Direct questions: Rather than asking, "What did you do at school today?", I started asking more engaging questions like What you read in the class today?, Whom did you play with? What did you play? What new song Miss Ann taught you today?What is the name of the new girl/boy of your class?....infact, I just saw this wonderful blog that has some interesting questions to ask kids. 

• Ask just Once: One more thing I found out, if by chance I asked the same question again, she wouldn't reply and instead say "I just answered this, Mumma. Why would you ask me same thing again?" Asking same thing, makes it appear rehearsed and not natural. And I think kids feels they are being asked just for the sake of asking.

Phew! Parenting is tough. But I am glad, I don't get a one word reply now.

Kids these days! Or Parents these days?

Last Sunday, I with my family, went to a park around noon for a short picnic and to have some fun.
There were a bunch of kids playing everywhere. Their parents, some sitting on the benches chatting, some busy with their phones and some playing with them. Suddenly, I saw a man throwing a can of Coca cola on to the ground ( the trash bin, by the way was just a yard away).

In the same park, another day, I saw a name written on a swing ( the same swing which was clean a day before)

In another incident, a kid was having a running nose. He wiped his nose clean and threw the wipe on to the ground. His mother, picked up the wipe and threw it in the trash bin near by.

Why I am telling all these incidents is because kids have a bad reputation these days. Of all the conversations I have about kids, always end in "kids these days". And it makes me wonder Is it really the kids? Or is it the Parents these days?

In the first incident, the man didn't care to throw the can into the trash bin. Clearly showed, he had no respect for the park. The park which provides the space for children to play, families to gather and city dwellers to enjoy a peaceful retreat. Kids watch and learn. They use the same attitude outside they learn from their parents. Be it respect for park or respect for a person. And we say, kids these days have no respect...

The second incident proves my point.

In the third incident, instead of having her kid do it, the mother picked up the wipe. She happily did the work which he was supposed to do. And we say, kids these days are lazy.

Kids are full of excuses...
Kids are narcissist....
Kids love luxury....and so on....

Really? They are full of excuses because we parents allow excuses. They are narcissist because we parents always tell them they are special, beautiful and perfect.

I think kids are what they are because they were raised that ways. There are many many kids who have none of the above qualities. They show respect and work really hard. Those kids are also that ways because of their parents.