Kids these days! Or Parents these days?

Last Sunday, I with my family, went to a park around noon for a short picnic and to have some fun.
There were a bunch of kids playing everywhere. Their parents, some sitting on the benches chatting, some busy with their phones and some playing with them. Suddenly, I saw a man throwing a can of Coca cola on to the ground ( the trash bin, by the way was just a yard away).

In the same park, another day, I saw a name written on a swing ( the same swing which was clean a day before)

In another incident, a kid was having a running nose. He wiped his nose clean and threw the wipe on to the ground. His mother, picked up the wipe and threw it in the trash bin near by.

Why I am telling all these incidents is because kids have a bad reputation these days. Of all the conversations I have about kids, always end in "kids these days". And it makes me wonder Is it really the kids? Or is it the Parents these days?

In the first incident, the man didn't care to throw the can into the trash bin. Clearly showed, he had no respect for the park. The park which provides the space for children to play, families to gather and city dwellers to enjoy a peaceful retreat. Kids watch and learn. They use the same attitude outside they learn from their parents. Be it respect for park or respect for a person. And we say, kids these days have no respect...

The second incident proves my point.

In the third incident, instead of having her kid do it, the mother picked up the wipe. She happily did the work which he was supposed to do. And we say, kids these days are lazy.

Kids are full of excuses...
Kids are narcissist....
Kids love luxury....and so on....

Really? They are full of excuses because we parents allow excuses. They are narcissist because we parents always tell them they are special, beautiful and perfect.

I think kids are what they are because they were raised that ways. There are many many kids who have none of the above qualities. They show respect and work really hard. Those kids are also that ways because of their parents.

Mom, I am Bored.

"Mom, I am bored."

What do you do when your child says she is bored? Do you:

1. Reply back saying "Come lets do something together" and decide on an activity.
2. Ask her, what she would like to do and do it with her.
3. Provide Technological entertainment.
4. Tell her to take a break, relax and figure out something on her own.

Most of us feel responsible when we hear this from our children, esp when we have a single child, and want to solve the problem right away. We do it either by technological entertainment or some structured activity. Rarely do we allow them to encounter the unstructured time, time when they have nothing to do, the free time.

Aanya often comes to me asking "Now what should I do, Mumma?" and initially I would just leave whatever I was doing and play with her or suggest something for her, so that she could play on her own. Over time I realised, she can't decide for herself how to use that period of free time. And it confused me. How can she not decide when we do almost same activities every day. She can simply pick one and carry on. Then I thought, her time has always been so structured that she isn't used to finding fun things to do with her free time and or she is used to parental attention. 

She is growing and I don't want her to have trouble managing her time later in life. One of the biggest challenges we face as adults is proper time management. Other than this, getting bored is so important. It challenges people to explore their passion. If we always keep our kids busy with school or other activities or fill their 'free= bored" time with screen entertainment they will never learn to respond to the feelings of their own hearts which might lead them to catch butterflies, build a castle from bricks, paint amazing things or even write essays.

As Nancy H. Blakey said, “Preempt the time spent on television and organized activities and have them spend it instead on claiming their imaginations. For in the end, that is all we have."

So now, How do I respond to her boredom?
1. I ask her to go and relax for 5-10 minutes in her room doing nothing. By the end of 10 min or less she will probably have some idea what she'll like to do.

2. I tell her to enjoy her own time is her job, though I would be happy to brainstorm about possible activities.

3. I refuel her love tank by a short chat and snuggle.

4. If she still whines and refuses, I announce loud that everybody will do their own work for half and hour and after that we all will play snakes and ladders ( or anything) together.

5. And when it really seems like there is nothing to do, I turn on a video of limited length. That ways its easier to eliminate resistance when I turn it off.

And now, a glimpse of what all my girl has been doing in her free-unstructured- without supervision time.

 

Want and Need...

Mumma, I want to visit Georgia Aquarium again.
I want to buy Nemo fish.
I want to buy a Dress.
I want to go to Hawai.
I want my friends to come home and play with me.
I want to eat cupcakes...

Of lately, there has been lots of wants from Aanya. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. As Human beings we are full of desires and want to do all kind of things. Its absolutely normal. So, today I asked her, what she really wants? and she replied "Everything". What an honest answer :)
"But do you really need them?" I asked.
"Yes, I need them because I want them" she replied, without really knowing the difference between the two.

And that makes me wonder, how many of us actually know the difference? In simple terms, Need is something you have to have and Want is something you would like to have.
So, does that mean we should only have things that we need? No, I don't think so. Life is meant to be lived, not survived. Actually, Aanya was not wrong in her reply, when she said she needs them because she wants them. Think about it. To fulfill our wants, we should question ourselves "What I need to get what I want?" For example, I want to buy a Dress, for that we need to have money, time and a way to go to the shop. So, every want is associated with a set of needs/requirements and once you fulfill those, the stuff will be acquired automatically.

Basically, all our wants or desires can be attained, its just that we shouldn't allow ourselves to become slave of them and never mourn on unfulfilled wants. And that's that we need to teach our children- 'Self Control". But how?

Any suggestions?

School after Summer Vacation...Who is more Happy?

 

Today was Aanya's first day of school after a long summer vacation (almost 3 months). I am not sure who was more happy, Me or Aanya :)

Honestly, it was a pretty long lone time with her. Not that I did not enjoy. Ofcourse I did. We went to museums, parks, shopping, librarys, biking, trailing, watched movies, read books, did craft works and much more here and there. Yet, as Edgar W. Howe has said " If there were no schools to take children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers" :)), it did take a part of my sane mind away...

It is during such times, I miss my family and friends back in India. During my summer vacations when I was little, I used to visit my grand parents (both maternal and paternal) for full 2 months, where I used to have a blast with all my cousins who too would come there at the same time.  It was like a full family ( uncles, aunts, cousins) get together. I eagerly waited for the vacation. As I write this, I am remembering all that we did as kids :)

I am not sure, if Aanya can ever spend her summer vacation like that. Even if she did manage to visit her grand parents, there would be no cousins to play with. Which means, vacations going forward would be just me and Aanya. Puneet not much, as he would be busy with his work.

Looking at the positive side, it will give Aanya an opportunity to make more friends and who knows one or more would become her BFF, it will give her an opportunity to constructively handle her boredom and develop a hobby...

So, until her next summer vacation arrive, Let me enjoy my vacation now :) though I am sure I will start missing her soon.

Oh! and BTW, Aanya had so much fun today...new activities, old friends, sandbox, playtime....she just couldn't stop being happy the whole day...Love her for that :))

Regular Digital Thermometer Vs Infrared Thermometers...

I was organising Aanya's medical kit and noticed this Digital Ear Thermometer.

It immediately took me 2 years back when Aanya had her first ear infection. As new parents, we could not understand her discomfort and constant crying. Her forehead felt hot but the Traditional Digital Thermometer we had then did not show high temperature. It left us confused and helpless, untill we took her to the hospital and came to know it was the ear infection that was bothering her and she indeed had temperature over 102 F.

Traditional Digital Thermometer

That very day, we discarded our traditional thermometer and bought the Braun Thermoscan Ear Thermometer,  spending about $45, from Walmart. Yes, it was expensive and if you are like how I was that time, you would probably think, its just a thermometer, we don't fall sick so often that we need to splurge on a thermometer. Then my friend, you are wrong. The guilt of not having proper device to measure my daughter's temperature made me realise one thing, Keeping one of these really good devices in your medical box is one of the best investments you can make for your family's well being. This thermometer gave me the most confidence in terms of quality, ease of use and accuracy.

Braun Thermoscan Ear Thermometer

Unlike the traditional one which uses electronic heat sensors to record body temperature (which ofcourse is accurate when taken orally, but for little kids its not possible), this Ear thermometer uses infrared ray to measure the temperature inside the ear canal. It is quick and fairly accurate.

So now, whenever any new parent asks me to suggest things that they should buy, this Infrared Thermometer is one thing I surely recommend. That's my best buy till date. Its funny how sometimes we take our health for granted. We splurge on material things like expensive cars, handbags, clothes, jeweleries etc....but way too less on nutritious food or health devices....

No more Mommy Wars....

My first flight to US from India, immediately after marriage, wasn't a pleasant one. There was this young couple with an year old child who was apparently unwell with runny nose. The child constantly cried and the parents looked extremely uncaring( from my then 'naive' eyes). At that time, I blamed the parents for being irresponsible and it irritated me.
Today, how I wish, I meet those parents again and give them a big 'HUG'.

Motherhood, has brought a number of changes in me and the most unexpected change is, it has made me the most non judgmental person on this planet.

Having a baby is hard, infact, its the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I didn't go into motherhood naively. I had my own strong feelings, my own uncompromising ideas of how I would raise my daughter. But all those faded away into distant echos soon after I brought Aanya home and even the simplest thing like taking a quick shower needed planning.

There were times when I was judgmental about women making a choice that I didnot understand. Today, I know how tough it is to be a mother and I cannot judge anyone for her decisions. This is an extremely hard job and I have nothing but admiration for anyone who is taking it on.

Criticizing mothers for letting her kid cry,  breastfeeding too briefly, giving  her child timeout, making them wear this, letting him eat this...etc etc....is not right. And this is not what I want to do. I would rather hug her and tell her she's doing an amazing job and I am proud of her.

Because I am, I am proud of all of us. We all try to ensure our kids grow up happy, healthy and loved.

Is My Daughter Growing up Too Fast... I Don't Think So!

 I was watching Barney & Friends one day with Aanya and heard this 'Growing' song...

Growing, we do it everyday

We're growing when we're sleeping

And even when we play

'Cause I am growing and so are you.

And it made me smile. Aanya, my daughter, is growing up at a rate of exactly one second per second and that's the perfect speed. I don't want her to be a little girl forever. I want her to grow into a tall and loving girl, the person she carves herself into, at the rate she chooses to grow.

Its true, I love watching her excitement when she climbs up the climbing wall or builds up a pricess castle from the lego blocks or swings on her own. But I can't wait to see her study hard and learn something that I don't understand. I want her to work hard, really hard, failing at times and know the deep pleasure that accompanies success after disappointment.

Her sweet voice, at present, full of goofy stories, questions and more questions are music to my ears. But I can't wait for her to tell me what she's thinking, what she wants to be, who she wants to be.
Parents constantly lament the supersonic speed at which time passes and wish to freeze the time. I certainly don't want that, because each day reveals another nugget of awesomeness and shows how truly lucky I am to be on this journey.

I want my daughter to have everything life has in store for her. Glory, grief, injury. I want her to laugh out loud, cry her throat raw. I want her to make best friends, make wrong decisions. I want her to run fast, bruise her knees, be good to everyone, be strong, be grateful. I want her to know life at times is unfair and unforgiving but it is full of hope.

I want all these things for her and much more, because I love her and this is what mothers do :)

I don't want to keep her small because the more time passes, the more spectacular she gets. Everyday brings something new and incredible and I can relate to them more. Its more fun, more interesting, more challenging. And watching her get bigger with the clock ticking seconds away, I know they are moving towards amazing things for her.

Book Reading at Bedtime or Book Reading Anytime?

What is a bedtime story? Its a traditional form of storytelling, where a story is told to a child at bedtime to prepare the child for sleep. Basically, it improves sleep by acting as a signal heralding the transition from the energy of daytime to the quiet of night time. Ofcourse, it has other benefits as well like its educational and it encourages parent- child bonding. Now, the question is, Is book reading at Bedtime more beneficial or book reading Anytime in the day beneficial?

Someone asked me once, "Do you read bedtime stories to Aanya?" And my answer was, "No, we don't read her bedtime stories but we do read her stories." And the next question was " Really? Then, how does Aanya sleep?"

I was little confused. I don't read her stories to make her sleep. For now, I do it because, its a fun time for us together. It opens up the conversation that takes place after the story ends, it encourages Aanya to make up her own stories with the characters she's read about and so on....For me, story reading is important, not the time of reading.

Why do we need to associate sleep with anything? Like bathing before bedtime or story reading at bedtime. I was taught to take shower early morning and never at night. I was not read a bedtime story (though my dad used to tell me stories, but never at bedtime). I am not saying I did or do right and others do wrong, No.
Coming back to that friend, her child doesn't sleep if she's not told a story. Obviously. Children love rituals. Even if she now tries to read her during the day, her child asks " Is it bedtime yet?" and doesn't listen. In a way its good and in way its bad. You are stuck reading each night, becomes a compulsory thing.

And that makes me think book reading should not be limited to bedtime, it can happen anywhere, anytime. Reading is important. Make that a ritual. Not bedtime reading a ritual.

Fall Pieces Every Women Should Buy and Wear...

Have you started with your fall shopping yet? I personally don't like cold weather but when it comes to styling, I love it. With autumn approaching, I already know the boots and sweaters and coats that I will be taking out from my trunk... but there is always some room for fresh ones...Right, Ladies? :) I call it Fresh Fashion! So start picking up pieces now and get your fall wardrobe ready...My personal favorites are...

Something Orange!
Bold colors need not be restricted to summer fashion. With the leaves turning orange and eventually falling off, imagine how beautiful an orange outfit will look. And as they say "Orange is the new black", can go for anything orange. It could be a silk scarf, pencil skirt, cardigan, jacket or even sandals. Here are some pictures that I picked from internet just to give you an idea...

 

Knee high boots!

Boots look chic and go really well with dresses. Go for basic brown and black. Its best not to opt for any other color, as they itself make a powerful statement and giving it a bold color will defeat the purpose. 

 

Red Coat!

We all have black coat and jackets. Why not try red this season. Its such a beautiful and happy color. When winter becomes depressing, with everything white, the red coat will surely brighten up the day.

Jumpsuits!

Jumpsuits keep warm and cozy while giving a chic-cowgirl look. The black jumpsuit can be paired with a red cardigan or the denim jumpsuit with a turtleneck sweater. 

Bomber Jacket!

Being a classic fashion, it surely is an investment piece. Goes well with dresses or even jeans. I would go for a tailored one, not too bulky.

 

Plaid Woolen Skirt!

A plaid woolen skirt is an ultimate autumn essential. Whether sporting mini checks or over sized checks, its an ideal match for a cozy knit cable sweater along with tights and ankle boots. As I am writing this, I am already feeling like wearing it :)

 

So, as I conclude my article, I am also ready with my wish list and I am excited to buy it :) Do let me know what you think about this list and do share what are your fall favorites.... 

Photo courtesy:  Since I randomly picked pictures from google, so not sure of the source. If the picture belongs to you and need the credit to be mentioned, please email me at ra1980@gmail.com, I will be happy to incorporate the details. 

Free-hand ARTWORK by a 3.5 yr old....

I am so happy the summer vacation is soon coming to an end. I had a hard time last 2 months keeping my kiddo busy. Though I tried my best from keeping her bored by giving her some constructive things to do everyday ( actually, not everyday but most of the days:)).

So, today again, like the last time, I decided to give Aanya a free-hand project. I spread a huge sheet of white paper on the floor and gave her the water colors, pencil colors, crayons and markers and asked her to draw and color whatever she wanted to. With a big smile she said "OK, Mumma" and started scribbling.

 

"Scribbling is not allowed", I told her. "It has to be something meaningful". And then I went away. She did something for few minutes and then got bored. Ofcourse, I had anticipated that as I knew I had overwhelmed her. So, I came back for her rescue and suggested a couple of things that I knew she can draw like, the sun, house and shapes. I told her I am here if she needs my help. After about half and hour or more this is what she did...

 

At this stage, we took a break and went to the park to play. After returning back and having our dinner, I asked her if she wanted to continue or if she is done. She showed interest and was back to her project. And finally after almost an hour( with many breaks), she shouted "I am DONE, Mumma"

I asked her to explain and this is what she said...

And...how I responded to this...."GOOD JOB" :))

The Girl's Gym Shoes...Cont...

Today, I asked my husband, what was his opinion on the Gym shoes story. And his reply was point-blank. "Doesn't matter whose mistake it is, you can't get everything". Wow! It seems I am the weaker parent here :)

So, I was reading this book- "Too much of a good thing" by Dan Kindlon, a child psychologist. It was his daughter whom the story was about. He very beautifully says its important to give kids a chance to learn how to adapt to a less- than- perfect world. It was important to make her recognise that her needs were not the only ones in the universe.

And yes, his daughter adapted easily without another word of complaint and no ill effects. Too often we think we are physically scarring our kids if we cause them the least bit of pain and suffering. We think we've failed as a parent when they are upset with us. Its important to learn at an early age, even if its painful, that their needs don't always come first and that the world does not revolve around them. The most important lesson we can teach our kids.

An important parenting lesson learnt by me as well. Thank you Dr. Kindlon :)

Story of a Girl's Gym Shoes....Situation and Reaction

This is to all wonderful parents out there. I will narrate a short story, basically a situation and I would like you all to express your reaction to it...as in, What would YOU do if you were in that situation. Ready? Alright...

So, Here is this seven year old girl, who was getting dressed for a day camp. She realized her gym shoes had been left at her weekend home in a different city. It wasn't her fault that her shoes had been left but her parents. She was asleep when they packed. "You have to go back and get them", she told her parents. The mother replied back " It's two hours drive to the house. You'll have to wear your hiking boots. We'll get your shoes next weekend when we go there."
In despair, the girl said " Daddy, You have to go, I need my shoes, I can't wear my hiking boots to camp all week. I can't run in them" and she cried. In a way, from her perspective, she was right. Boots aren't designed for the fast paced activities that happen at camp.
The mother then came to her rescue. She said " No way can we go get your shoes. You'll have to wear your hiking boots to the camp. BUT I'll buy you a new gym shoes today and you'll be able to wear them tomorrow."
The father then immediately interrupted. "No. I think she can survive the week without new gym shoes."

Ok, So, What would you do in this situation? Buy new shoes, go back to get the old ones or let her survive in boots OR any other solution that you can think off? Do give reasons too.

How my Car is always Clutter free and Organised....

Today I decided to clean the interior of my Car. As a habit I do it once every month. So, I gathered all the cleaning supplies....which were.... the Vacuum Cleaner, Febreez and All cleaning wipes. Yes, my car is always clutter free and organized and I just need to swipe and vacuum clean once in a while.

For me, Messy car is a secret shame. So how do I keep it clean when I have a kid who needs many things to be entertained and snacks to be eaten by everyone on the go. Here's what I do:

1. I have this Organiser on the back seat and I keep things in it that is needed on regular basis like snacks and toys for commutes.

2. A little trash bin. No matter how much we try, sometimes feels impossible keeping trash like unneeded receipts, wrappers and  plastic bags from building up in the car. Right?....Wrong. We trash it here immediately and later put all this collected trash in a plastic bag and toss it off. It has a little double sided tape below it, so it doesn't move while driving.

3. Reusable shopping bag. I always carry reusable shopping bags whenever I go grocery or produce shopping. I am against using plastic bags. They are not environment friendly and simply add to unattended clutter.

4. Water bottle. I always carry water bottle with me in the car. No soda or mineral water bottle for me when I am thirsty. Another way to reduce clutter.

5. Paper towels and Tissues and air freshener. There is a story ( not a pleasing one) behind carrying this. When Aanya was very little, she threw-up in her car seat once. We stopped by a Mac Donald's to cleanup. Unfortunately, the toilets there had no napkins or tissues and I had a tough time cleaning her car seat. Since then paper towel, tissues and a freshener is always in my car.

So you see, keeping your car organised and clutter free isn't difficult. A fifteen minute vacuum, dashboard and window swipe every once a month and that's it :) 

Hope this piece of information is helpful. Do share if you have any other tips.

Smile. Click. Say cheese. Click.

Look! She's dancing. Click.

OMG! She's rolling. Click.

Ooh! Such a cute hairstyle. Click.

New drawing. Good work. Click.

New clothes. So pretty. Click.

Have we gotten so caught up in capturing every moment of our children's lives?  that we are actually missing out on moments? 

The other day we were in a park and I saw a Mom with a high end camera constantly taking pictures of her children playing. She was barely watching them, just clicking...

During school plays, I see, parents don't enjoy the program, all they do is try to get perfect shots...

Picnics, Vacations, Birthday parties too mean lots and lots of pictures of children from different angles in different poses...

Ofcourse, we all want to document big things of their lives, but constantly taking pictures with no purpose?

And I have to agree, I do it too. I find myself taking pictures of my daughter all the time. When I go into the picture folder on my laptop, I find hundreds of photos of my daughter. Its ridiculous. And I know parents who have thousands, beyond ridiculous.

When we take pictures, do we think even for a second why are we taking it? what’s the purpose? Is this to help my memory of something? Is this to play around and be silly? Is this to communicate? What I am communicating to whom?

When we take so many pictures, we just get a filtered view instead of true reality, esp when we ask them to smile for it. Are we communicating the message that they shouldn't be real self for pictures? 

I think we should take a step back and try to experience our children more, instead of grabbing camera or iPhone whenever any adorable thing happens. Its the experience that creates memory and not pictures. Take pictures, but just a couple. Involve more with children playing, singing and dancing. 

What say camera happy parents?

Friendship Day.

Winnie the Pooh, the world's Ambassador of Friendship

What defines Friendship?
I'll start with a story that I think best defines Friendship. About 12 years back, during a train journey from Chennai to Hyderabad (along with all my post graduation classmates) I suddenly fell sick with severe menstrual cramps. Restlessness, Nausea and Cramps. I was in a bad shape. Unfortunately, the medicines that I took back then, were not with me or with anyone in the train. So basically, I had to survive the journey without medication. Nevertheless, after sometime, the pain subsided and I was asked to sleep. It was night and all had gone to sleep in their respective berths. The ONLY person, who was awake was my bestie. She was awake the entire journey, sitting by my side, slowly pressing my belly. She ensured I get a good rest. I had never experienced such a loving and caring gesture in my life. And clearly, I'll never forget it. Thank you, Bestie!

So friendship is not just loving and caring gesture its also about making you laugh during stressful times too...
During my B.Sc final examination, I was stuck at a question whose answer I didnot know. While I was thinking hard, I saw my another bestie peeping into my answer sheet, trying to cheat/copy. I whispered to her " I don't know the answer". She whispered back " What? Why didn't you study and come?" And that made me laugh out loudly. Got scolded by the teacher, but it surely made me relax. Thank you, Bestie! 

Friendship is also about taking your relationship forward...
My husband, suddenly one day popped the question " Richa, will you marry me?" and then there was no looking backwards. I got a friend and husband both in one :) Thank you Hubby!

Friendship Day...
A great day for celebrating the fact that friends make the world a better place. It is a reminder that friends are an important part of a healthy, happy life.

Fun ways to celebrate Friendship Day.

1. Call someone you haven’t contacted in awhile and catch up.
2.  Tell your friends what they mean to you.
3.  Make a list of friends throughout the years and marvel at the impact they have had on your life.
4. Create friendship cards with inspiring sayings on them, ideally something you come up with about what friendship is to you.
5. Ask yourself: What are the qualities that make for a good friend? And then ask if you embody them.

Happy Friendship Day to You!!