Kids these days! Or Parents these days?

Last Sunday, I with my family, went to a park around noon for a short picnic and to have some fun.
There were a bunch of kids playing everywhere. Their parents, some sitting on the benches chatting, some busy with their phones and some playing with them. Suddenly, I saw a man throwing a can of Coca cola on to the ground ( the trash bin, by the way was just a yard away).

In the same park, another day, I saw a name written on a swing ( the same swing which was clean a day before)

In another incident, a kid was having a running nose. He wiped his nose clean and threw the wipe on to the ground. His mother, picked up the wipe and threw it in the trash bin near by.

Why I am telling all these incidents is because kids have a bad reputation these days. Of all the conversations I have about kids, always end in "kids these days". And it makes me wonder Is it really the kids? Or is it the Parents these days?

In the first incident, the man didn't care to throw the can into the trash bin. Clearly showed, he had no respect for the park. The park which provides the space for children to play, families to gather and city dwellers to enjoy a peaceful retreat. Kids watch and learn. They use the same attitude outside they learn from their parents. Be it respect for park or respect for a person. And we say, kids these days have no respect...

The second incident proves my point.

In the third incident, instead of having her kid do it, the mother picked up the wipe. She happily did the work which he was supposed to do. And we say, kids these days are lazy.

Kids are full of excuses...
Kids are narcissist....
Kids love luxury....and so on....

Really? They are full of excuses because we parents allow excuses. They are narcissist because we parents always tell them they are special, beautiful and perfect.

I think kids are what they are because they were raised that ways. There are many many kids who have none of the above qualities. They show respect and work really hard. Those kids are also that ways because of their parents.

Mom, I am Bored.

"Mom, I am bored."

What do you do when your child says she is bored? Do you:

1. Reply back saying "Come lets do something together" and decide on an activity.
2. Ask her, what she would like to do and do it with her.
3. Provide Technological entertainment.
4. Tell her to take a break, relax and figure out something on her own.

Most of us feel responsible when we hear this from our children, esp when we have a single child, and want to solve the problem right away. We do it either by technological entertainment or some structured activity. Rarely do we allow them to encounter the unstructured time, time when they have nothing to do, the free time.

Aanya often comes to me asking "Now what should I do, Mumma?" and initially I would just leave whatever I was doing and play with her or suggest something for her, so that she could play on her own. Over time I realised, she can't decide for herself how to use that period of free time. And it confused me. How can she not decide when we do almost same activities every day. She can simply pick one and carry on. Then I thought, her time has always been so structured that she isn't used to finding fun things to do with her free time and or she is used to parental attention. 

She is growing and I don't want her to have trouble managing her time later in life. One of the biggest challenges we face as adults is proper time management. Other than this, getting bored is so important. It challenges people to explore their passion. If we always keep our kids busy with school or other activities or fill their 'free= bored" time with screen entertainment they will never learn to respond to the feelings of their own hearts which might lead them to catch butterflies, build a castle from bricks, paint amazing things or even write essays.

As Nancy H. Blakey said, “Preempt the time spent on television and organized activities and have them spend it instead on claiming their imaginations. For in the end, that is all we have."

So now, How do I respond to her boredom?
1. I ask her to go and relax for 5-10 minutes in her room doing nothing. By the end of 10 min or less she will probably have some idea what she'll like to do.

2. I tell her to enjoy her own time is her job, though I would be happy to brainstorm about possible activities.

3. I refuel her love tank by a short chat and snuggle.

4. If she still whines and refuses, I announce loud that everybody will do their own work for half and hour and after that we all will play snakes and ladders ( or anything) together.

5. And when it really seems like there is nothing to do, I turn on a video of limited length. That ways its easier to eliminate resistance when I turn it off.

And now, a glimpse of what all my girl has been doing in her free-unstructured- without supervision time.

 

Want and Need...

Mumma, I want to visit Georgia Aquarium again.
I want to buy Nemo fish.
I want to buy a Dress.
I want to go to Hawai.
I want my friends to come home and play with me.
I want to eat cupcakes...

Of lately, there has been lots of wants from Aanya. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. As Human beings we are full of desires and want to do all kind of things. Its absolutely normal. So, today I asked her, what she really wants? and she replied "Everything". What an honest answer :)
"But do you really need them?" I asked.
"Yes, I need them because I want them" she replied, without really knowing the difference between the two.

And that makes me wonder, how many of us actually know the difference? In simple terms, Need is something you have to have and Want is something you would like to have.
So, does that mean we should only have things that we need? No, I don't think so. Life is meant to be lived, not survived. Actually, Aanya was not wrong in her reply, when she said she needs them because she wants them. Think about it. To fulfill our wants, we should question ourselves "What I need to get what I want?" For example, I want to buy a Dress, for that we need to have money, time and a way to go to the shop. So, every want is associated with a set of needs/requirements and once you fulfill those, the stuff will be acquired automatically.

Basically, all our wants or desires can be attained, its just that we shouldn't allow ourselves to become slave of them and never mourn on unfulfilled wants. And that's that we need to teach our children- 'Self Control". But how?

Any suggestions?

School after Summer Vacation...Who is more Happy?

 

Today was Aanya's first day of school after a long summer vacation (almost 3 months). I am not sure who was more happy, Me or Aanya :)

Honestly, it was a pretty long lone time with her. Not that I did not enjoy. Ofcourse I did. We went to museums, parks, shopping, librarys, biking, trailing, watched movies, read books, did craft works and much more here and there. Yet, as Edgar W. Howe has said " If there were no schools to take children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers" :)), it did take a part of my sane mind away...

It is during such times, I miss my family and friends back in India. During my summer vacations when I was little, I used to visit my grand parents (both maternal and paternal) for full 2 months, where I used to have a blast with all my cousins who too would come there at the same time.  It was like a full family ( uncles, aunts, cousins) get together. I eagerly waited for the vacation. As I write this, I am remembering all that we did as kids :)

I am not sure, if Aanya can ever spend her summer vacation like that. Even if she did manage to visit her grand parents, there would be no cousins to play with. Which means, vacations going forward would be just me and Aanya. Puneet not much, as he would be busy with his work.

Looking at the positive side, it will give Aanya an opportunity to make more friends and who knows one or more would become her BFF, it will give her an opportunity to constructively handle her boredom and develop a hobby...

So, until her next summer vacation arrive, Let me enjoy my vacation now :) though I am sure I will start missing her soon.

Oh! and BTW, Aanya had so much fun today...new activities, old friends, sandbox, playtime....she just couldn't stop being happy the whole day...Love her for that :))

Regular Digital Thermometer Vs Infrared Thermometers...

I was organising Aanya's medical kit and noticed this Digital Ear Thermometer.

It immediately took me 2 years back when Aanya had her first ear infection. As new parents, we could not understand her discomfort and constant crying. Her forehead felt hot but the Traditional Digital Thermometer we had then did not show high temperature. It left us confused and helpless, untill we took her to the hospital and came to know it was the ear infection that was bothering her and she indeed had temperature over 102 F.

Traditional Digital Thermometer

That very day, we discarded our traditional thermometer and bought the Braun Thermoscan Ear Thermometer,  spending about $45, from Walmart. Yes, it was expensive and if you are like how I was that time, you would probably think, its just a thermometer, we don't fall sick so often that we need to splurge on a thermometer. Then my friend, you are wrong. The guilt of not having proper device to measure my daughter's temperature made me realise one thing, Keeping one of these really good devices in your medical box is one of the best investments you can make for your family's well being. This thermometer gave me the most confidence in terms of quality, ease of use and accuracy.

Braun Thermoscan Ear Thermometer

Unlike the traditional one which uses electronic heat sensors to record body temperature (which ofcourse is accurate when taken orally, but for little kids its not possible), this Ear thermometer uses infrared ray to measure the temperature inside the ear canal. It is quick and fairly accurate.

So now, whenever any new parent asks me to suggest things that they should buy, this Infrared Thermometer is one thing I surely recommend. That's my best buy till date. Its funny how sometimes we take our health for granted. We splurge on material things like expensive cars, handbags, clothes, jeweleries etc....but way too less on nutritious food or health devices....

No more Mommy Wars....

My first flight to US from India, immediately after marriage, wasn't a pleasant one. There was this young couple with an year old child who was apparently unwell with runny nose. The child constantly cried and the parents looked extremely uncaring( from my then 'naive' eyes). At that time, I blamed the parents for being irresponsible and it irritated me.
Today, how I wish, I meet those parents again and give them a big 'HUG'.

Motherhood, has brought a number of changes in me and the most unexpected change is, it has made me the most non judgmental person on this planet.

Having a baby is hard, infact, its the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I didn't go into motherhood naively. I had my own strong feelings, my own uncompromising ideas of how I would raise my daughter. But all those faded away into distant echos soon after I brought Aanya home and even the simplest thing like taking a quick shower needed planning.

There were times when I was judgmental about women making a choice that I didnot understand. Today, I know how tough it is to be a mother and I cannot judge anyone for her decisions. This is an extremely hard job and I have nothing but admiration for anyone who is taking it on.

Criticizing mothers for letting her kid cry,  breastfeeding too briefly, giving  her child timeout, making them wear this, letting him eat this...etc etc....is not right. And this is not what I want to do. I would rather hug her and tell her she's doing an amazing job and I am proud of her.

Because I am, I am proud of all of us. We all try to ensure our kids grow up happy, healthy and loved.

Is My Daughter Growing up Too Fast... I Don't Think So!

 I was watching Barney & Friends one day with Aanya and heard this 'Growing' song...

Growing, we do it everyday

We're growing when we're sleeping

And even when we play

'Cause I am growing and so are you.

And it made me smile. Aanya, my daughter, is growing up at a rate of exactly one second per second and that's the perfect speed. I don't want her to be a little girl forever. I want her to grow into a tall and loving girl, the person she carves herself into, at the rate she chooses to grow.

Its true, I love watching her excitement when she climbs up the climbing wall or builds up a pricess castle from the lego blocks or swings on her own. But I can't wait to see her study hard and learn something that I don't understand. I want her to work hard, really hard, failing at times and know the deep pleasure that accompanies success after disappointment.

Her sweet voice, at present, full of goofy stories, questions and more questions are music to my ears. But I can't wait for her to tell me what she's thinking, what she wants to be, who she wants to be.
Parents constantly lament the supersonic speed at which time passes and wish to freeze the time. I certainly don't want that, because each day reveals another nugget of awesomeness and shows how truly lucky I am to be on this journey.

I want my daughter to have everything life has in store for her. Glory, grief, injury. I want her to laugh out loud, cry her throat raw. I want her to make best friends, make wrong decisions. I want her to run fast, bruise her knees, be good to everyone, be strong, be grateful. I want her to know life at times is unfair and unforgiving but it is full of hope.

I want all these things for her and much more, because I love her and this is what mothers do :)

I don't want to keep her small because the more time passes, the more spectacular she gets. Everyday brings something new and incredible and I can relate to them more. Its more fun, more interesting, more challenging. And watching her get bigger with the clock ticking seconds away, I know they are moving towards amazing things for her.